I have got to be free

I love to write because it is my best form of communicating with the people around me. When I speak, sometimes I get nervous and it just does not come out right, but when I write I can be so clear and I tend to expose even the things that I am ashamed of about myself. I don’t know, maybe I am afraid to hear my sins out loud. Maybe then it becomes real. Well, there is one thing that sits at the pit of my stomach taunting me and daring me to release it, and it doesn’t care where it comes out or from which end. So I will be somewhat of a coward and release my imperfection the best way I know how, and I won’t regret it. I suggest that if there is something that you have been holding in that has, in any way, hindered you from thinking higher, find your best medium and let go…

Now that I am nearly 25 years old, I know more than I did when I was a child thinking as a child. I was innocuous as God intended me to be. I was discouraged and I believe that God did not condone it. For whatever reason, I do not believe that God expected me to live in self pity or disappointment my whole life, as I thought he did. I guess this is why it is said in Ephesians 6:4, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The simple reality is that I am not the only one who had to grow up to understand life. It takes experiences and many hardships and joyous occasions to gain even an ounce of wisdom. I know now that I was hurt and broken as a child, even with a God fearing mother who nurtured and loved me with everything she had. Even still, I felt abandoned and useless and my father was to blame.

There are so many of us who have experienced that feeling from youth where there is an absence of a parent. We have been told to get over it and not even sure what part to overcome. Some were told that you weren’t the only person to experience that pain, but in your selfishness you could only understand your own feelings, and rightfully so, you were inexperienced and innocent. Someone else had to live with it, and, as a result, so did you. In my mutinous teen years, I decided that I had a right to be angry and feel wrath in my heart, and I rebelled against everyone who told me to forget about it.

Needless to say, my wrath spread like cancer and latched on to innocent by-standards who had no clue what was coming there way. Poor things, they had no clue that it was no ordinary man who ripped my heart into pieces, it was my own blood. It was my father. It was a man who transmitted symbols that I decoded as rejection. I was furious and I had nothing to give because I didn’t like this little girl who was discarded, disregarded, and still unexposed to a method of true healing.

Then, I got older. I reached out to my cancer and said I will fix this. I will heal my wounds, I will be courageous and strong and I will devise an answer whether it is true or not. I was determined to understand and have what was not given to me. So I asked my father to explain himself and I demanded a relationship. Sparks flew and my wrath was a consuming flame. He was impassive and unresponsive, but I was literally destroyed.

So I stopped.

The loneliness I felt, I prayed and asked God to take it away. I declared that I must be set free. Paul said that the word of God is not bound, so it didn’t matter the plight my physical body and my mind endured. I knew that God had the power to speak peace over my life no matter how I felt and I would be free because He said so. God had indeed broken that chain, but I still had more to learn.

Recently, I decided to look over my mother’s life—the experiences that she exposed me to and the feelings that she intimately shared with me as her only daughter—and I began to realize that the woman who she was at my age was no different than the woman who I embrace in my own skin. There is truly nothing new under the sun. Now that she is wiser, I look at her in amazement and I see how she has healed where scars once would not mend. I remember the mistakes she made and owned up to as a woman. In return, I look at myself and see all of my imperfections and short comings and I realize that my mistakes have hurt people. I have walked away from some people without ever wondering how they were affected. I have said things that did not build one of God’s creations up to his standards. I am, on many occasions, more selfish than necessary. I am eager, and I mean so eager that I do not use God’s strength to wait, sometimes.

Essentially, I am no different than my father at his 20 years.

He made mistakes and so have I. I held him accountable, so what makes me any different? His blood runs through my veins, though I forget this at times, but my body never disregards this truth. I had to learn to understand that I only have one Father in heaven. My dad on earth is human and made of imperfections and, just like me, he must be forgiven.

I was urged to share my revelation because I believe that no one should be chained to such pain that provokes him or her to wrath. God’s only intention is for us to grow daily. He desires for us to bear fruit in abundance. We are free to worship God no matter what earthly situation we are in. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty (2 Corinthians 3:17). He never intended for us to remain in the same broken spirit. There is a proper way of healing, and I believe I figured it out: forgiveness and mercy, because I need that everyday and I can not deny any one of mercy unless God should deny me; the spirit of God to set me free from the mind games, the lies, the hurt, and to fill the empty space; and an honest reflection of me and of the pain I have imparted to others.

The truth is—you and I were never alone. We only needed to fill our empty space with our true Father and we never truly understood how important it is to forgive others, even our father or mother, for their imperfections. If you are hurting, you need only to believe that God can speak and you will be healed. And I don't know about you, but I have got to be free!

Be blessed, family, and THINK HIGHER!!

He Can't Hurt You

Luke 10:1-24

            The illusions, the tricks and schemes, the lies and the plot planned against your life are very real, yet in spite of all the thought and time Satan put into his approach he can only build a thin wall. It is equivalent to hazy vision or the fog in the distance as the sun rises in the morning. These tactics are meant to steal your harvest and kill your vision and hope which ultimately destroys the plan that God has for your life. They are meant to make you weary and too unstable to even begin or finish sowing your seeds.

            Who knows what these abandoned seeds are destined to reap?

            It is vital that we do not remain ignorant to the truth. (1 Corinthians 2:10) Satan is a liar, and the truth is that he doesn’t want you to know the truth. First, in order to be victorious we have to know that there is an antagonist just waiting to defeat you. Jesus warned us in John 10:10 that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. The key is to understand when you’re under attack and then you can overcome it. In this same verse, Jesus said, contrary to what Satan has planned, God has planned something that is greater and true —life and life more abundantly, which is your harvest. It becomes clearer to us in Romans 8:29-30 that we were predestined to be like Christ, thus predestined to be victorious! We must never forget Christ’s journey to the cross and the agony he endured on that cross. His enemies thought they had him beat, until he died and rose three days later. What a victory for Christ and us! He now holds authority in His name and we are now redeemed from sin.

            So what are all the illusions about? Why is he spending so much time lurking around God’s children and seeking our demise? Through the story of Job we learn that Satan is convinced that if he tortures us enough, distorts our happy endings, and tells lies against the word of God, we will curse God and die. It is a test, and you can only pass or fail. No one likes tests, but the truth is a test can tell you a lot about what a person has learned or, more importantly, what a person believes. Jesus told us that he desires to give us an abundant life, while Satan tells us that we can’t succeed, life is too hard, and everything is just too much. The enemy says, “You’ll never pay off your bills. You’ll never own your own home. You’ll never make it out of this situation alive. You’re not good enough to be who you want to be, or worse, God doesn’t care.” These are lies from the pit of hell. The Bible says in John 3:16 that God so loved the world, that he gave his only son. And never forget that Romans 8:28 says that everything works out for your good.      

Right now, it is time to call the devil out. His one and only plan is to prevent us from spreading God’s word. If we doubt his word and have become despondent concerning His promises, how can we spread God’s word effectively, or at all? Sometimes, doubt is all it takes for some people to walk away from God and walk after the world.  

            I find the word of God, Luke 10:17-19, very interesting. Within the introduction of Luke 10 we learn that the Lord sent 70 persons besides the 12 disciples to “every city and place” to spread God’s word. God warned them in verse two and three, “The harvest is great, but the laborers are few… Behold, I send you forth as lambs among wolves.” There was certainly a reward, but for a price. But we are encouraged by the 70 who came back rejoicing and declaring to Jesus, in verse 17, that “even the demons are subject unto us through thy name.” The 70 apparently came in contact with Satan’s illusions and schemes, or the wolves that God had warned them of, but they had discovered something in the process. They remembered God’s promises and they realized that through the name of Jesus, Satan lost all his power. In response, Jesus answered the 70 with a shrug it seems saying, “I saw Satan fall from heaven.” Satan was no big deal to Jesus and he shouldn’t be a great deal to us. Jesus assured the 70 on that day that, just as they discovered, that God’s children have “power to tread upon serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” How amazing is that? We have power over the power of the enemy! What then, can possibly prevent our harvest? The answer is not Satan, but our doubt.

            Remind yourself of the doubt Peter had in Matthew 15. As Jesus walked on water, a very unrealistic act to the human mind alone, the disciples perceived that He was a spirit and cried in fear. Jesus immediately told the disciples not to fear and that it was Him. Peter, being very bold, answered, “Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.” Peter asked the Lord this knowing that only Jesus was able to keep him afloat. But the Bible says that once the wind was boisterous and it seemed impossible for Peter to make it to the Lord, he began to doubt and started to sink. All it took was some strong wind to break his bold confidence that he had initially. When Peter began to go underwater, Jesus caught him and said unto him, “O ye of little faith, why did you doubt?” I believe that God questions us the same way. Every time Satan throws chaos and confusion into our lives and causes us to doubt that God is able and will pull us out, he says why doubt? Isaiah 40:8 says, “The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of God stands forever,” and that is what we must believe. When the wind blows and tests our faith, we must make a liar out of Satan. God trusts us, like he trusted Job, to believe that He is able to deliver. He’s banking on us, and I believe that is why Hebrews 11:6 says, “Without faith it is impossible to please God.” God knows what we can handle, and Satan is only allowed to test us as far as we can stand.

            You might be saying, “But I can’t see the end.” I admit that God has a way of allowing us to suffer as Christ did. Paul said in 2 Timothy 2:9 that although he suffers even to the point that he is in chains, obviously being treated as an evil doer, he declared that, in spite of persecution or plots on his life, he will endure for the elect’s sake. Paul was a righteous man, who was doing what the Lord had called him to do, yet he suffered, but he makes it clear through his words that “the word of God is not bound.” No matter what Satan does, regardless of his schemes, even though things aren’t clear right now and it seems there is no way out, Paul said that God’s word can not be chained. Isaiah said that God’s word stands forever.  Solomon said in Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” And because Jesus knew the chaos that you would have to endure, he assured you that Satan can not hurt you, so the only thing you need to concern your self with is pleasing God with your faith.

I’ve come to serve you and to kiss your feet. I’ve come to adore you, can’t you see—the glisten of the sun on my forehead, and the blood seeping from my pores? All this reverence is yours. Night and day, I’ve suffered all day and night and nothing seems right. I thought I would rest for a while and dip you in oil, yes, my love will never uncoil. When it rained, I was grateful that you remembered our needs. The earth shook, so I took heed and you asked me if I really believe. Yes, Lord, I realize nothing comes easy. I think you want to me to know the best and worse part of me. I heard you speak, Lord, so here I am, this is me.

Here I am by Cheri Monique Langston

            I am so excited about the harvest we will reap as we sow faith into our lives. I can see the thin walls breaking and slamming into the ground with a mighty shout of our Savior’s name. Many times, when I approach the fog that makes the road a little hazy, I know that if I only endure for a little while I will reach my destination safe and secure in God’s hands. Later on in the day when I peep out my window and let the sun press upon my face, I’ll look back and hear God whisper in my ear, “He can’t hurt you.”